The birth of our grandson, the continued development and aspirations of all the age groups within the family will make 2020 an exciting year.

Now the focus is on managing the spring schedule. We have developed a system of reviewing what has happened in the previous year to help us to plan.

Many of the things are of a practical nature.

Cartoon by Clyde Delaney.

I had made a few notes to myself from last year and one stands out scribbled across my notebook.

It reads: “If you’re having difficulty managing your anger, get a grip. If you feel like crying, get a grip. You are the problem, not everyone else. Go in home, have a cup of tea and start again.”

It is written in angry hand writing and I am hurled back to the moment I wrote it. I’m startled to feel the stress rising within me again.

Missing lead

It was late March and I was tired with 100 calves in the shed. I went to the yard that morning to feed them. The first thing I did every morning was plug in the water heater to begin heating the milk.

We all have our little work routines. I put a few buckets of milk into the barrel and reached to plug in the heater to find the extension lead gone. I couldn’t find it anywhere.

I was so angry and I didn’t know which man to be angry with. Which one would I ring? Or should I just haul the milk up the stairs to the dairy? What was the point of ringing them, they probably wouldn’t answer and then I’d be more annoyed.

The only saving grace was that it was a weekend morning so I wasn’t rushing for work

I was so frustrated with my family. I know this goes on in every farmyard. A bit of thought about who’s going to be using whatever you’ve taken after you goes a long way to keeping everyone happy. The only saving grace was that it was a weekend morning so I wasn’t rushing for work.

In no time at all, I’d wasted an hour and most of it was spent being angry.

So I rang no one, instead deciding to deal with it later. There was nothing for it but to haul the milk up the stairs and get over it.

But first I returned to the house for a cup of tea and decided to start over. Feeling calmer, I returned to my duty. Then I spotted the lead hanging on a hook in the dairy. All the anger generated within me was futile. I also felt foolish and never had the conversation.

I think men and women manage frustration differently. Men get angry, vent and usually move on. Women worry and cry and say nothing, finding it more difficult to move on.

It heals over, but leaves a visible scar. Scars build upon scars

Both are not without resultant scars. Think of a tree that gets a little cut on its bark when someone gets too close with the strimmer. It heals over, but leaves a visible scar. Scars build upon scars. Nobody is immune to hurt, not mother, father, partner, son or daughter, in-laws or employees.

No one is exempt from making mistakes.

All we need to do is to be tolerant of those we work with

Plans are in place but as the season moves on, we get tired and cracks begin to appear. We are not as circumspect as we would like or as prudent with our words.

But in reality, all we need to do is to be tolerant of those we work with remembering to communicate information carefully. It can be as basic as a WhatsApp group or a whiteboard on the wall. We use both. “Heater lead is in the dairy” was all that was necessary.

Mistakes

How we view our own mistakes and how we view the mistakes of others can be poles apart.

Apportioning blame for mistakes, in my view, is the number-one killer of working relationships. It is unproductive.

The farmyard can quickly become a pressure cooker.

We have to act like family and people who care about each other

The simplest mistake can set it off. It can spill into the farmhouse. It is important to remember that we are not in a workplace where the problem can be escalated to higher management.

So we have to act like family and people who care about each other. We have to call on that all important ingredient of respect. It’s the oil of good working relationships.